31 fell flat

October is traditionally a difficult month for me.  My birthday is in October and for some reason this really put my dad in a bad mood.  So as a kid, birthdays were filled with sadness and disappointment.  I never had birthday parties and I was lucky if the day didn't end with my parents fighting.  I guess as I got older, my dad couldn't handle the fact that he too was getting older -- even if he is only 20 years older than I am.  As an adult I have tried to make my own traditions, so October wouldn't seem so depressing. It's the month that changes glorious summer in the mid-Atlantic to winter.  In just 31 days we can go from wearing shorts and flip-flops to coats, hats and scarves.  But over the years, the expectation of a magical day always leads to disappointment.  Some years it's not getting cake or a present from the hubby -- but most of the time it's that the hope is too big.  This year, I thought I would spread out the fun.  Try to do something out of the routine everyday.  I was doing really well at first.  The first few days were actually not too bad.  I even got presents and cake on my birthday.  But then I lost a friend -- a young friend of 36, who was taken from us too early in her young life.  Winter is setting in, pushing out the warm days of summer, too soon  and the happy days of October are behind me for this year.

This has made me question everything in my life.  Can I fix some regrets?  Maybe leaving France was the wrong decision.  While certainly dealing with striking crazies, isn't my idea of a swell time, the 9 weeks of vacation and the beautiful PACA weather is calling me back...  France is that lover that you can't get over, even if you never really got along -- is the pleasure  (weather, food, wine, etc) worth the pain (strikes, not being able to communicate, dealing with administration, low wages)?

Thanks for reading my blog.  I value you all of my readers.  Bisous